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the pirate girl
Juste un peu de silence.

black, white
and the shades of grey in between

photo's by me :)


This is just a blog for thoughts - songs that are speaking to me, pics from where I've been today, or projects on the drawing board.
Just a random outlet.
An area of free association.
Comments welcome - though anon's are discouraged please.
Enjoy your stay & come again.
Please note: The content of this blog does not represent the views of any organisations to which I belong.

pirate folder
the pirate girl

coeval happenings
reading: Moab is my Washpot - Stephen Fry
listening to: Napalm & Silly Putty - George Carlin
travelling/staying in: SA, NSW & Vic - depending when you catch me

Let's call today: 'Tuesday, 31 May 2005'

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
good god martha, its fucking freezing.

10:04 pm | Post A Comment... >

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
how did you find me?

last day of the month,
time to display the searches that found this site.

missy higgins hate club
schoolgirls site:
listen to Best Deceptions
real fucking

school girls fucking? people must think i'm so kinky.
and a missy higgins hate club?!?!?!

4:34 pm | Post A Comment... >

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
fortune cookies

regardless of the little things inside them, i love the taste of fortune cookies. i could go thru a dozen packs of them.

out of the whole box or so that kirsty and i devoured some weeks ago, these are my favourite. they live on my mirror.

very me.

and from the one cookie i selected from the packet alex bought today i received this:

once again, very me.

i think the best one i ever saw was one alex had on his pinboard:
"If you think we are going to sum up your entire life on this little piece of paper, you are crazy."

3:34 pm | Post A Comment... >

Let's call today: 'Monday, 30 May 2005'

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
thats fucking disgusting!

theres a blister on my hand and it was filling up with clear liquid.
i ran my finger over it

i feel physically ill now.
eww it even went on my clothes.


9:28 pm | Post A Comment... >

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
I Hope I Never
Tim Finn, Split Enz

I fall apart when you're around,
When you're here I'm nowhere,
I can't pretend that I'm not down,
I show it, I know it,
I've been a fool more than once more than twice,
I'm gonna move to a new town where the people are nice.

I hope I never,
I hope I never have to sigh again
I hope I never
I hope I never have to cry again.
I still to want to beam and smile,
Happiness is back in style,
I hope I never,
I hope I never have to see you again.

It should be possible I know,
To see you without stress,
But I can see I'll have to go,
I'm changing my address,
My urge to cry I have failed to conceal,
Life is no fun when you're hunted by the things you feel.

I hope I never,
I hope I never have to sigh again
I hope I never
I hope I never have to cry again.
I'm for living, while you care,
I'm an optimistic man,
I hope I never,
I hope I never have to see you again.

I hope I never,
I hope I never,
I hope I never, never, never, never, never, never,
I hope I never,
I hope I never have to see you again.

3:29 pm | Post A Comment... >

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
what have you done?

2:09 pm | Post A Comment... >

Let's call today: 'Sunday, 29 May 2005'

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
day of rest

today is totally a veg-out day i think.
that's the plan.
no theatre. no work. no assignments. no people.
today is a vicki day.
enjoy the sunshine folks.
have a good one. :-)

2:11 pm | Post A Comment... >

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:

hello, i just said goodnight to schmirsty, who was my last guest this evening here for the Equus AfterParty, after bringing her back to her car after a brief bit of lunch dinner and breakfast at the local 24hour Subway.

the party itself was actually kinda lame at first, but we made do. of course, out came the guitars and some customized rockin was battling for the music pumping out of the possessed speakers schmirsty lent me.

carly and i hid in the bathroom waiting for people to come in to wash their hands after going to the toilet so we could close the door behind them and - depending who they were - scare and/or ravage them. we were in there for ages, talking and giggling too, and no one found us. feh. after a while, i got tired of listening to schmirsty saying 'they've disappeared' and not actually finding us, so i went out and declared loudly that they all sucked.

april was supposed to sleepover, and then decided not to, and i cried. yep, really, i was inconsolable. okay not really, but i was a little sad. i was excited to have a sleepover with april! we could read girly magazines and play truth or dare.

and ooOOOoooh guess what? i kissed april on the lips! she giggled. lots. it was cute.

everyone was very cuddly, which suited me just fine.
hey, some old lady asked for a hug when we were showing people in this afternoon for the matinee. I didnt know her, but put my arms around her saying happily that hugs are free. she chuckled at me. another lady who came with her held up her hand and told me no hugs for her thanks... yes, sure, cos thats exactly what the Front of House Manager is supposed to be doing. "Here's your seat, but you may only sit once you hug me, you beast!!"

back to tonite, harry eventually joined us revellers after a short rest at home, and we started talking about the actual show.

all in all, the production was great. nathan is once again a flame of the stage, astounding everyone with his newly found prowess. that little shit gave me goosebumps in so many scenes.

kinda like now - but only cos its freeeeezing.

i should be in bed, but thought i'd take advantage of the free Rumpus Room out back and do some bloggin and listenin to music.

hey guess what guys? i just fixed the speakers.... the connection AT THE COMPUTER needed adjusting. gah! we've been putting up with this crap and didnt have to??

oh well.

me berry sweepy now. i think im going beddie byes. maybe blog later.

5:21 am | Post A Comment... >

Let's call today: 'Saturday, 28 May 2005'

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
yes, i did have a nice time, thankyou.
i didn't want you to go.

10:38 am | Post A Comment... >

Let's call today: 'Friday, 27 May 2005'

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:

3:24 pm | Post A Comment... >

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
Little Shop of Horrors

It's odd to notice that 3 years after Little Shop of Horrors went onstage, I'm still great friends with so many of the rest of the cast. Usually in a show, you build up relationships with people for months, and after bump out, you may see each other a couple times, but eventually you drift away.

Not in Little Shop. April, Lex, Dave and of course my Nessa.

Ness is the only person i've been completely honest with lately - ok, 'honest' is the wrong word, i've not been lying to anyone - i mean more like "completely open with lately."

People have been asking me questions that i've hesitated to answer. With Ness lastnite after the show in the parking lot, when everyone had gone home, she listened as I let all sorts of things come out, things I didn't even admit aloud to myself. She just held me and told me what a good person I really was and how much she wanted to take everything away for me.

I'm so glad I met her that night at the theatre. OPUS may be a complete waste of time sometimes, but at least I'll walk away from it one day with some beautiful soulmates beside me, acquired from the various shows I've done.

12:28 pm | Post A Comment... >

Let's call today: 'Thursday, 26 May 2005'

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
from TheatreGuide

OPUS Performing Arts Community
Noarlunga College Theatre
Until May 28

Review by Simon Slade

Feigning an orgasm astride a horse. Miming self-flagellation. Full frontal nudity. A production of Peter Shaffer's "Equus" can easily go so wrong. Instead, OPUS presents a mature performance of a difficult script.

Peter Shaffer's Tony Awarding winning play "Equus" was inspired by a BBC report of a British boy who inexplicably blinded twenty-six horses in a stable. The story fascinated Shaffer, provoking him "to interpret it in some entirely personal way." His dramatic goal, he wrote in a note to the play, was "to create a mental world in which the deed could be made comprehensible." The result is a riveting journey into the world of insanity told through the eyes of a self-doubting psychiatrist.

Harry Dewar, as Dr. Dysart, portrays the troubled doctor powerfully with bursts of rage and painful emotions. He delivers Dysart's monologues with conviction and he cleverly manoeuvres Alan with his 'tricks,' although he could turn up the intensity in two or three places so that he would have a fuller connection with the other actors on stage.

Nathan Lambert, as Alan, carried the troubled boy with enough mystery to deliver his pain in a well timed performance that saw Alan emerge from uncooperative to acquiesce as he vividly relieves his world of sexual and religious fantasies. Lambert completely immerses himself in Alan's fantasy, in a performance that skilfully balances the power and vulnerability of the boy.

As Alan's favourite horse, Nugget, Grant Hull nails the physicality: the backside arched out, the legs taut, and the halting, pompous steps. He even gets the heavy sound of exhaling breath right. It's the kind of performance that only works if the actor goes all the way with it.

The other actors do a good job of supporting the main roles, and Carly Whittaker, as Jill Mason, is excellent as the young stable hand who tries to seduce Alan.

The design of the stage and the fact that the audience is on two sides creates the impression that the audience is actually inside the psychiatrist's office with the patient

As Directors, Harry Dewar and Paul Kaesler have taken up the challenge of this often mis-directed show and done a fine job. All the more difficult when they are both in the show too!

For those of you who thought that challenging theatre stopped within a five-kilometre radius of the GPO - the truth is out there.

5:13 pm | Post A Comment... >

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:

ok - so now that i've recovered from that bout of crappiness... on to some profound thinking.

sorry for the boredom to follow - i just need an outlet. and handwriting takes more energy than this.

so feel free to disregard the self indulgent non-sensical rabble.

so, he says he doesn't want to need me. i don't want to need him either.
he says he doesn't want to hurt me. i don't want to hurt him either.
i see so much of me in him. *laugh* and i'm not entirely sure if that's a good or bad thing.
so what now? i'm tired of sitting around 'working things out'. i've done that all before, before him, and i don't want to feel like i'm wasting time or energy again, like i have with my relationships before.

so what's stopping me from just having fun? i had fun tonight. the inside of my head should have been screaming at me to stop what little we did, but it only whispered a suggestion, then was silent.

do you ever wish you could just turn off your brain?

i want more, but cant have it - so why cant i just be happy with what i have?
i know why, because i've settled for less than i deserve before, and promised i wouldnt again.

"its a common trait, we're all the same
no one wants to make the same mistakes again."

i wrote that in my notebook on the bus today.

sometimes i just want to run away. not just from him, or from my previous lovers, but from this place and this time, and from me.
the problem is i know my thoughts will find me.
i drive myself mad.
i really do.
i know its wrong to blame people; i know that i do it to myself.
people have told me i'm happy to stay in the place i get to sometimes, and i guess i must be. but what do i get out of it? why do i like it?
for sympathy? to be looked after?

it doesnt make sense, im more the other way around i've always thought. I'm the one who needs to be needed, not the one needing. I'm the protector, the defender. I need people to run to me, curl up into my arms and say "vicki, please make it all better"... so i ask again: why do i do it?

gah, im thinking in circles again - *laugh* i hate doing that. it just wears me out.

when im with him, i do feel better when im sad or stressed or most of all lonely. my mistrust is slooooooowly dissipating, though me being me, it may never fade completely - with anyone.

i'm waiting for the time when he'll shake his head and say 'no sorry, this is all too hard' as i've often heard in my head before. which i'd be fine with, it'd save me doing it.
i was telling Ness tonite, i've already done the whole weird-talkingnonsense-doubtful-sulky psycho thing to him lastnite, alluded to whatever dissociation my doctor argues with me about, and yet he's still hanging around.
wouldnt that set off alarms and sirens yelling "hey a crazy girl, run! RUN!!"
what's up with that? that's usually a major show-stopper right there.

so maybe there's some truth in the possibility that i am cared for, as foreign as that concept still feels to me.

i dont know.
i guess i never deserted carly either when i knew she was - not sick cos i hate that word... but different. i thought it was just cos i was too, and i understood it.


what do i really want?

someone, something i cant have.

so i should just move on, and try something else, something different.

what if that doesn't make me happy either?

then at least i've tried

but i have tried, and i feel no different.

then maybe its time to try being alone?

i've been alone for most of my life. its true, i do need...

need what?

just need... and therein lies the next problem. being needy.
i'm far too emotional to get so close to someone.
by pulling them closer i push them away.
no one wants to be crowded.
perhaps its better to only go this far. be physical, have some fun, be cared about to some extent, but keep it distant?

cos i cant. i'm an all-or-nothing girl.

i always have been.
stupidly, i probly always will.

but let's try?
i'm a big girl. i can take being hurt again.
i hope.

he says he doesnt want me to end up hating him.
i wont hate him.
i'll just hate me.

and i do that already. so what's the difference?

is life really just a series of moments?

is it just patches thrown together on a quilt?
or is it a tapestry that is worked on piece by piece toward the final product?

-if its patches, then i've nothing to fear. nothing will count beyond it and it'll fit nicely into the quilt as simply another experience. so go, do, be and enjoy.
-if its a tapestry, why waste say a days worth of work on something thats not going to complement the overall design? why work so hard just to blemish that section?

i believe its a tapestry.

i know i am stronger than i've been lately.
but as carly and i found out ages ago, its easy to be strong when you're apart.

i know that when i wake up, i'll be back to square one again. and thats fine.
but at least i've finally sat down and thought.
i hate running. it just makes you tired.

1:34 am | Post A Comment... >

Let's call today: 'Tuesday, 24 May 2005'

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
having a big shitted-off moment
who's fault is that?
ok, mine i know.
but blaming myself is not nearly half as fun as blaming one of you.
so come on, fess up. who did it?
it has nothing to do with my jealousy issues or any of my leftover guilt or regret. it was one of you, i just know it was.
give me back that voodoo doll of me whoever you are, and put me back on the happy girl shelf where i've been sitting for a few weeks.

1:50 am | Post A Comment... >

Let's call today: 'Monday, 23 May 2005'

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
they're ready

Noarlunga College Theatre
Tues 24th to Sat 28th @ 8pm

11:37 pm | Post A Comment... >

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
i got to talk to David today.
remember David? my spunky young peruvian boy i met in the U.S?
did you know its been just over 2 years since i've returned from the States, and my accent STILL comes back sometimes. how lame.
Dave was the sexy young thing that refused me giving him a headjob cos we were in the Common Room of a shared house. as if a boy didnt want to do things in a potentially-public place? perhaps thats why i liked him...
hahaha ah memories. tsk. tsk. what a misbehaved pirate i was back then.
not like now, no. i'm a good little pirate.
so last night i finished work early, at 8 instead of half past 9 or 10 as i have been doing lately. not bad since i was picking stuff too.
there was a clothing warehouse sale at wayville showgrounds which i checked out - it was lame. would have been ok if i was a size 14 chick with $200 to spend on stupid labels.
so there i was in goodwood with the rest of the nite to kill. i knew that by the time i got back to noarlunga, rehearsal would be finished.
eventually allan and i arranged to meet up.
I got home at 1:55am.
gah. I hate having to think.

12:52 pm | Post A Comment... >

Let's call today: 'Saturday, 21 May 2005'

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:

ok, so i come home from work tonite after helping Bump In stuff for Equus today, and when i pull into the driveway my dad runs out to stop me and tells me to wind down the window.

as i coast to a stop i can see our german exchange student Christian, kneeling down inside the rumpus room, looking thru the glass sliding door and apparently peering down at the doormat in front. In the dwindling light i squint to see what he's doing, but immediately see nothing.

When my dad comes to my window he tells me whats happened. A bird (a parrot he calls it) has flown into the glass and is sitting rather stunned by the door. When i look again I can see that indeed a very tiny wobbly lump is moving about by the door. At the mention of the word Parrot, my eyes light up - I have wanted a parrot ever since i played with one in at the aldinga pet shop, and also 'i'd be a real pirate if i had a parrot!'.

So i get out of the car and we discuss a plan of action. Ness calls me on my mobile and she asks what i'm up to tonite.

"um well, you wont believe me... but we're in the middle of planning a capture of a parrot outside the Shed door....."

While this conversation is taking place Christian has fetched a towel and handed it to Dad. For a moment i put Ness on the floor - its comfy down there - and prepare to grab the little bundle once it is covered.

But with the combination of the bird's inane escape tactics and my father's lack of coordination, the bird side steps the towel, even in its dazed state and looks at us as though to say "what was that supposed to do?"

With another glance he attempts to fly off, but for some reason or another - either he is still stunned or is too little or has had his flight feathers clipped - he only flutters straight up and is blocked by something hanging on the line. He swerves to try and avoid it and ends up flying up onto my chest and clinging there while im still kneeling on the ground. I quickly but easily cupped my hand around him and he very gently nibbles my finger.

I am immediately sold.

He is literally small enough to fit snugly in the palm of my hand with his head popping out between my thumb and forefinger. He doesnt seem all that worried. With my other hand I pick up the fone, tell Ness what's happened, thank her for her invite out tonite but I have to work tomorrow, and say goodbye. Then I pat my little friends pretty green and pink head with one finger while i take him in to show everyone.

After some research we discover that he's a Green Violet Peachface Lovebird (as pictured in the bottom two photos here), and that he is basically a very smart pint-sized version of a parrot! Further research tells me that its ok to put him in with what I call "those stupid stupid budgies", but i still give them a lecture and tell them to be nice to him.

Last I looked they're settling down, and our new addition is slowly starting to look a little less in shock. I hope he lives thru the night. I really really really want a parrot - or even something like one :)

If he's still with us in the morning, the plan thus far is to give him his own cage and I will look after him - I guess i'll need to name him... what should my new parrots name be?

That's the assignment for today.

7:04 pm | Post A Comment... >

Let's call today: 'Friday, 20 May 2005'

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
i would like to point out that carly, kirsty and myself all made it into the adelaide index - so we're all famous together!

except kirsty, why is your name jill???

4:59 pm | Post A Comment... >

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
i would like to bitch about 3 things

1: the equus program and the pain it is causing me
2: the fact that even when ur messages dont go thru on it still says 'message sent successfully.'
3: my back hurting cos its once again that time for my insides to shred into pieces and then slooooowly leave my person at their leisure.

who's bright idea was that?

3:05 pm | Post A Comment... >

Let's call today: 'Thursday, 19 May 2005'

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
goodnight everyone.
uni tomorrow and that is majorly sucky.
i'm over it again. i was over it even in the 3rd week.

11:17 pm | Post A Comment... >

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
"an' i would walk 500 miles..."
the proclaimers are so cool - i love a song i can sing in an accent. Ach Jimmy!


yesterday i took Steve back to the costume shop *sniff* it was a sad farewell. but i told the ladies who looked after him how much of a success he was and that i'll hire him again.

then i couldnt be bothered parking my car and catching the bus to uni so i just drove since i filled up my car with petrol. on the way, i made stops at various op shops to peruse over more things to waste my money on.

eventually i arrived, slept thru a class, discovered my lecture was cancelled, and messaged allan to tell him i could meet him an hour earlier, at 4 instead of at 5pm. so i parked at the shops and waited...

..and waited...
...and messaged...
...and waited...

I amused myself by finally getting around to clean out the inside of my car, and organising FOH stuff for Equus.

Fifteen minutes past 5 this smiley redheaded boy bounced up to my car bearing hugs and saying sorry, his phone had died. likely story, i said. i then told him i was beginning to think he was going to stand me up, and to get into my car.

then i drove him towards Norton Summit with the full intention of dumping his body somewhere in the hills, but somewhere between leaving the magill shops and doing a 3point turn in someones driveway, he convinced me that his phone had indeed died, so i let him off the hook - this time...... muhahaha

so we settled for chatting in my car since it was freezing out and he a rehearsal to go to and there was no point going to get something to eat or whatever.

ever have that conversation with yourself "ok im leaving now.... as in... right now.... really... now... definately going now... now.... ok now..." ?

well yeah, a few of those followed

and hugs
and kisses

and now im shutting up

my lesbian friends are gonna jump me in a dark alley and i'll never be heard from again....

8:18 pm | Post A Comment... >

Let's call today: 'Tuesday, 17 May 2005'

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
today i got a speeding fine for April 22nd

as if i can remember what i was doing at 9:15am a month ago.

9:44 pm | Post A Comment... >

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
a traditional pirate
You're the TRADITIONAL PIRATE. Stealing gold,
backstabbing other pirates, being suspicious of
everyone you meet, running from the law...
you're the real thing. People don't like to
mess with you because you always manage to get
your way. Just watch out, those parrots can be
a little messy sometimes....

what kind of pirate are you?

8:59 pm | Post A Comment... >

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
dance like a polar bear

kirsty as "Steve" in his first scene in Freeze Frame (14-5-05)


me as "Steve" at the HWCC Family Fun Expo (15-5-05)
that's my brother Alex biting Steve's ear.

remember, whenever you can, dance like a polar bear.

7:25 pm | Post A Comment... >

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:

me and kirsty

Equus promo activity*

Saturday May 7th
Schweppes Oaks Day
Morphetville Racecourse

*I got sooo sick about an hour later and spent the next 24hours or so vomiting like a beast. what fun it was.

7:02 pm | Post A Comment... >

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
|||| |||| |||| |

"i love to love and i love to be loved."
"i dont want to hurt or to be hurt again."

two of my most common sayings, which, sadly, diametrically follow one another.

i'm tired of hurting. hurting people and being hurt by them - both unintentional, but nonetheless painful to all.

i dont ever want to be just another mark on someone's tallysheet, another victory notch on someone's belt.

my self-esteem seems to be too low to take the possibility that anything nice anyone in particular has said to me was simply to get me into bed. my confidence over the years has quadrupled - except in the field of relationships.

i was always the unloveable girl. the fat, lame, awkward teenager who was too weird to even talk to. I always related to the scene in Muriel's Wedding when she's yelling to Rhonda (Rachel Griffiths).

"Muriel! Muriel Heslop. Stupid, fat and useless. I hate her! I'm never going back to being her again!" - Toni Collette, Muriel's Wedding (1994)

i never can understand anyone ever wanting to love me, when i've cared for so many and been turned away so many times. who could love me? me? vicki the loud selfish tomboy who can do nothing particularly well except be herself, which is the worse thing of all to be.

life was hell.

then, almost all of a sudden, people started taking notice of me, and not just because i was the loud joker sitting in the middle of a crowd of friends.

it's all still new to me. im not used to it.

this post sounded so much better when i was composing it in my head, whilst still dozing in bed this morning. it's ok, i know what im talking about... i think...

5:27 pm | Post A Comment... >

Let's call today: 'Monday, 16 May 2005'

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
for some reason this got stuck in my head.
the slow version, not the crappy dance version.
learn to play it here (guitar tabs)

Out of Reach

Knew the signs
Wasn't right
I was stupid for a while
Swept away by you
And now I feel like a fool
So confused,
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,
Couldn't see
We were never
Meant to be

Catch myself
From despair
I could drown
If I stay here
Keeping busy everyday
I know I will be OK

But I was
So confused,
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,
Couldn't see
We were never
Meant to be

So much hurt,
So much pain
Takes a while
To regain
What is lost inside
And I hope that in time,
You'll be out of my mind
And I'll be over you

But now I'm
So confused,
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach,
So far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,
Couldn't see
We were never
Meant to be

Out of reach,
So far
You never gave your heart
In my reach, I can see
There's a life out there
For me

8:28 pm | Post A Comment... >

Let's call today: 'Sunday, 15 May 2005'

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
i cant believe that took me so long to write.

i just wanted to say that i can do the greatest impression of Helen that it scares even me. i am going to workshop her personality into a character so that I may mock her regularly.

my feet are cold.

end transmission

1:15 am | Post A Comment... >

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
Lior and a lame lamp.

yes, you heard me. my lamp here is lame! laaaaammmmmmmeee!!
whenever i go to take a picture of something on the desk, it doesnt come out properly cos this lamp doesnt go any brighter than a dull glow.
i'm sure its doing wonders for my eyes.

let me pause here to say i'm very disappointed no one bid on the pear. for shame! who wouldnt want a suggestive looking pear? every home should have one!

anyway, I finally got Lior's album - mm he's dreamy.
vicki you're talking like a straight person!
seriously tho he was rather nice. a guitar playing singing curly-locked boy? i was sold.

speaking of singing curly-locked boys - i ended up finally catchin up with allan friday after class (all equus cast and crew can get all 'alan' references out of their system here - i'll pause for you... ok..done).
to update for a second, allan's my friend that chatted with me and made me feel better wednesday night after i went on my "date"*, which i may add, i missed Clockwork Orange for.

anyway, being after-uni on a friday (my 6am waking up day) we were both pretty tired so we filled the time doing nothing too demanding and just walking & talkin, which is all i was up for. at about 6pm i got on the bus from magill, messaged a few people, boarded my noarlunga bus and then dozed for the next hour or so.

i came home, messaged kirsty to tell her i was back, then collapsed on my bed and almost fell asleep. kirsty tapped on my window to announce her arrival - i was tempted to call out "sorry, there's no vicki here man." and go back to snoozing. but i eventually rolled off my bed, which later became COVERED in balloon animals, and let her in.

the idea was we were going to workshop ideas for our upcoming Storytelling gig sunday - err.. "today" - but really we just stuffed around. rather, kirsty juggled and made balloon animals, and i lazed about occasionally changing the movie.

when kirsty left i sent out my sms replies to the people who had messaged me before and i was too lazy to reply straight back like i usually do, and settled down to fall asleep. allan called me again and we chatted til about 2am, one of those tired conversations that only make sense at that time of night. i was running on such a low tank by this point and my eyes were hurting.

still it was nice. but when we hung up and i put on my Mr Hell** series tape to fall asleep too, i didnt hear past about the 3rd skit in it. i was berry sweepy.

and i kinda am now so i think i shall away soon and sleep cos i have to be a storyteller with Steve the polar bear tomorrow. long story, i'll tell you another time.

*Ember told me today that this girl is all cool with us not being more than friends, she felt no chemisty either. Thankgod, i didnt want to be the one who said no.
**What?!? how dare they take down the Mr Hell website. that show ruled!! oh well, info can be found here instead.

12:29 am | Post A Comment... >

Let's call today: 'Saturday, 14 May 2005'

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
i like it

9:37 pm | Post A Comment... >

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
hmmm :)
that noise is so hard to turn into text.
a 'hmmm' with a smile will just have to suffice.

7:58 pm | Post A Comment... >

Let's call today: 'Friday, 13 May 2005'

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
im at uni and thats sad.

8:57 am | Post A Comment... >

Let's call today: 'Thursday, 12 May 2005'

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
okay, since the last post created some discussion, i feel i need to clarify what's happenin.


i met up with a girl i met at The Cat Empire gig on friday night who's a friend of Ember's. she wanted my number, so Ember asked my permission and then gave it to her. she called me, we agreed to meet up last night after uni for a drink.

i wasnt going to go.

well, we met up, had a drink, had tea, caught the train home, and i gave her a lift to her parents place, then i came home.

somewhere amongst all this kirsty messaged me "you're having girlsex arent u whore?" hence the last post. i chuckled when i got it.

during that day i was also messaged in class and asked if i wanted to meet up after uni. i re-scheduled, as i didnt want to be rude and cancel on this girl last minute.

and anyway - the details are thus; no sparkles, no kiss, a few awkward moments, a long-ish hug that I cut short because i didnt want to hurt her, and a today a day full of feeling bad cos i know she's into me and i'm not really into her.

ember did make me feel a bit better tho. i told her to keep the consolations coming.

when i came home lastnight, i was a bit everywhere, but pushed thinking aside cos i knew itd just depress me. i spoke to a new friend i've made, the one who messaged me earlier asking what i was doing after uni, cos we were both online and free to talk, then i went to bed where he called me and we spoke til 3am. he made me feel better and i went to sleep easily after we hung up.

it doesnt rain but it pours.

5:21 pm | Post A Comment... >

Let's call today: 'Wednesday, 11 May 2005'

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:

yes i went
no we didnt kiss
no i wasnt having girlsex when you messaged me.

and call me a whore again and i'll have to bash ya.

10:21 pm | Post A Comment... >

Let's call today: 'Monday, 9 May 2005'

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:

i'm an 80s bitch.

3:13 pm | Post A Comment... >

Let's call today: 'Sunday, 8 May 2005'

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
Killing time at uni on email

I taste of strawberry in the middle. I know cos I just bit my own arse. Unachievable? Some may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.

according to lochy, i taste of mint in the middle. i dont know how he knows about my insides, but i recall him telling carly that i have a soft minty interior. so there you go, the things you learn from other people about yourself! its amazing.

I see you more with a nummy caramel centre (which on occasion crystalises but with some loving warmth regains its gooey consistency) than mint based, but Lochy is entitled to his opinion, even if it is just wrong.

Never been too crazy about caramel. i've always pictured some sort of hard nutty centre, so i dont know where you people get your soft and gooey analogies... i'm more a peanut M&M than a chocolate eclair. actually, make that a Chomp bar.

A chomp bar is perfect - seemingly hard chocolate coating with a crispy wafer layer, and when you get break through that, you reach the little stream of caramel in your centre. Don't care if you don't like caramel as you shouldn't be eating yourself.

But this is by far my latest favourite gem from Ness:
One day I'll learn to make polite small talk - I think I offended one of the ladies here yesterday when I was talking about stinky nipples. I felt naughty. Perhaps she suffers from that very problem herself.

1:11 pm | Post A Comment... >

Let's call today: 'Wednesday, 4 May 2005'

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
I would just like to say that the pear thing marks the 100th post for this site!
Happy birthday to meeeeeeeeeeee!
do i get presents?

7:52 pm | Post A Comment... >

Let's call today: 'Monday, 2 May 2005'

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
pear or.....?

this was brought home for me amongst a plate of nibbles from my parents one night.
i think its a piece of dried pear.

would you buy this off ebay? cos kirsty wants me to sell it.

what? you would? ok, go for it. bid for the pussy-pear.

10:41 pm | Post A Comment... >

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
this month's assignment

what special power would you have?

i would like to be able to turn invisible, or rather 'to go unnoticed' - as invisibility does not remove sound - perhaps i'd like to be 'ghost-like'.

imagine what that would be like!
i dream of such a possibility.
so yeah, what special power would you have and why?

3:55 pm | Post A Comment... >


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