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the pirate girl
Juste un peu de silence.

black, white
and the shades of grey in between

photo's by me :)


This is just a blog for thoughts - songs that are speaking to me, pics from where I've been today, or projects on the drawing board.
Just a random outlet.
An area of free association.
Comments welcome - though anon's are discouraged please.
Enjoy your stay & come again.
Please note: The content of this blog does not represent the views of any organisations to which I belong.

pirate folder
the pirate girl

coeval happenings
reading: Moab is my Washpot - Stephen Fry
listening to: Napalm & Silly Putty - George Carlin
travelling/staying in: SA, NSW & Vic - depending when you catch me

Let's call today: 'Thursday, 30 June 2005'

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:

i got to colour-in in the waiting room today.
i coloured a purple octopus holding a chest full of treasure.
and i was allowed to play with the coke-bottle-fountain. that was purple too.
i think they liked me playing with that cos it kept me quiet.

10:10 pm | Post A Comment... >

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
*shrug* i don't know.

10:06 pm | Post A Comment... >

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
"... no... no, i wont go back in the cupboard!..."


9:55 pm | Post A Comment... >

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:

who's comin to see it with me? i need a grown up to take me :P

6:43 pm | Post A Comment... >

Let's call today: 'Tuesday, 28 June 2005'

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
thankyou to schmirsty for sellin her camera to me.
thankyou to katie for buying my TV so i can buy schmirsty's camera.
thankyou to the lovely TAFE girl who fixed my hair today
(i made them laugh by saying that i just wasn't cool enough to have the first funked up cut they gave me last week).
thankyou to bonnie's mum cos she's re-adjusting my spine on thursday. :z

7:19 pm | Post A Comment... >

Let's call today: 'Monday, 27 June 2005'

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
i need a sugar daddy


early birthday presents?
according to katie, i'm 22 already - we've gone past november in her head.

10:42 pm | Post A Comment... >

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
ok, so i'm carrying a lot of anger now it seems.
at nothing in particular really.
at least, nothing that's making itself painfully obvious.
just itchy feet to change my surroundings and thwart the routine i'm falling into.
listening to my Jeff Wayne's 'War of the Worlds' tracks, staring at the painting of Thunder Child, wanting to be the martian fighting machine in the story.
walk and crush everything in my path and blast anything in the way.

'Thunder Child' by Michael Trim (1976)


8:08 pm | Post A Comment... >

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
as much as i love my mum
she affects me so badly.
just then i was on a roll with my work.
i had windows open everywhere - music blaring, chatting on the side... i was flying. no problem.
then she comes in to ask me if i can dry the dishes so she can check her email for a few seconds, which in itself i was/am ok with.
but then she sat beside me, waiting for me to finish my immediate task and save my work.
and with her just being there... i grew all sorts of stressed. like i was in a small room with many many people talking to me at once.
i had to turn off my music, tell my chatter i'll be right back, and lower my head and stare straight at the screen. i was concentrating on the words so hard yet nothing was sticking.
in the end i gave up, clicked save, and went to dry the dishes. the feeling immediately left when i stepped outside.
when i'd done, and she passed the computer back to me, i sat down, ablur again.
then she left and i was focussed again.
what a freak i am.
or she is.

4:42 pm | Post A Comment... >

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
i would like to make a public apology

i'm sorry to all those kids who somehow failed to recieve their lunchorders at Lonsdale Heights Primary School on days when vicki was the lunch monitor between c.1990 and c.1994.

i think over that time i must have swiped $15 worth of stuff from that lunchbin i helped bring down to the classroom. remember that to a 10-year-old kid, $15 was alot. hence the slight remaining - albeit somewhat flippant - guilt i think.

i would volunteer to bring the bin down from the canteen full of all the lunchorders for that day - claiming that my eagerness was due to my having an order myself.

when i'd collected the bin, walking between the canteen and the classroom i'd glance through the bags looking on the labels to see what was on offer. my selection was always made with consideration taken to the following factors:

a) what the lunchorder contained (did i feel like a pie? donut? sausage roll?)
b) who it was for (if i didnt like them it was a bonus)
c) how much was spent on it

this last factor was a fairly important one - if the lunchorder was for someone i knew was from a low income family didnt get things from the canteen often, like me at the time, and today was just a $3 splurge their mum was treating them with, i'd abort that target.

be informed dear readers, that i never stole from the other poor kids. kids who couldnt wear new sneakers every year either; kids who brought their peanut butter sandwiches in old bread bags too cos it was cheaper; kids also for whom a brand name fruitbox or muesli bar was a real treat - even moreso if it didnt bear a "reduced to clear" sticker.

vicki targeted only the richer, snobby or otherwise bratty kids that got lunchorders every other day. if was a handy co-incidence then that the majority of the kids that made my life hell at that time fell into that category.

so if Luke Zrim had a chocolate donut and a bag of mixed lollies one lunchtime that day Vicki - or rather "Victoria" - was picked to get the lunches, for some reason it never showed up.

'Victoria' would have put the bin down, grabbed 'her' lunchorder (set aside on the top shortly before coming in), and take her seat while the crowd of expectant lunchorder kids swarmed forward and rummaged through it like a bunch of seagulls. By the time all the ruckus had died down - save for someone still out the front saying "where's mine?" - half the ill-gotten food had been eaten and the bag with the owners name on it would be safely in the pocket of my budget Woolworths jeans. any small-change that came with my selection of stolen lunch was also pocketed for a later snack or drink.

and then we'd all eat, all of us uncool kids, and watch the boy or girl that had somehow not gotten their lunch - due to some sort of error up in the canteen it seemed - with little to no sympathy because it was nice to see them in pain for a change.
"In fact wasn't he the guy that punched Victoria in the shoulder at lunchtime yesterday?"
"yes, right before he called her friend a blubbery whale i think it was."

kids can be so cruel.

i wish i was then the way i am now. i think i could have really enjoy school.

2:35 pm | Post A Comment... >

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
i think vicki needs some time to almost herself.
perhaps another bout of solitary introspection.

basically, i need to get out this house again.

an indirect sign came lastnight.
I had had a pretty good day at work all day, then as soon as i stepped out of my car in the driveway when i came home, everything backfired; i was dropping things, stubbing my toe, doing all sorts of stupid things.

And all the serenity i had acquired from the isolated farm melted back into a general feeling of frustration and that overall quiet feeling of inner fury i can never quite describe.

i thought 'why is it that the fucking second i come home things go wrong??'
i heard 'cos this place is cursed. its full of negativity vicki, you know that' as my answer.

standing there in the dark locking my car, i silently agreed with myself.
perhaps i'll go stay with marion for a while.

12:56 pm | Post A Comment... >

Let's call today: 'Saturday, 25 June 2005'

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
"Bedouin Song"

leaving the western shadow
naked in the face of tomorrow
the madness of black desert rain
that lets you rise up and flourish once again.

heading east
bursting into a calm sea
like a river released.

and the cool night will flow
into the heat of the day
i will lose this shadow
i will find my way.

oh bedouin song
is all i really own
oo how strong
the temptation
to fall.

while black desert rain
runs through my veins
opening windows of shame

wild moon above
go on, tell me there is love
i will lose this shadow
i will find my way.

wild moon above
go on, tell me there is love
i find my inspiration
i will
find my own way.

tonight i closed up the shed at the farm at dusk, turned off all the lights, put this track up full as it came on and sat outside at the foot of the western hill.
there was a small electrical storm to the west, lighting up the sky gently.
to the north the orange glow of the city and the last rays the sunset softly lit the clouds.
i watched the sky darken from the dying sun with tones of purple and navy and greys in the clouds, and listened to the peacocks call far away on the southern hill, the thunder high high above me, and Lior and his guitar.

6:29 pm | Post A Comment... >

Let's call today: 'Friday, 24 June 2005'

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:

im bored.
can you tell?
why is no one home?
why is everyone out?
they need to be home so i can call them and say:
'hey why are you home? let's go out!"

7:13 pm | Post A Comment... >

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:


hey blogger does photo's now?? cool!
hehe this pic is typical - me tryin to look cheeky, and ending up just lookin slightly evil: "hmm yeeeees, i vant to suck your bludd!"
heeheehee but aint i cute?

6:51 pm | Post A Comment... >

Let's call today: 'Thursday, 23 June 2005'

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
you know...

i've been surfing away here looking thru various blogs, and i've learnt something:
there are people out there more pathetic than i
there are blogs out there full of more wank than mine
so all in all, i'm appreciating my little space here a little more each day.

4:02 pm | Post A Comment... >

Let's call today: 'Wednesday, 22 June 2005'

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
she's sexy

im listening to N.E.R.D's "She wants to move"
this song just does things to me.
le purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
the first time i heard it was long ago when vicki still had a working stereo in her car.
i was driving home at 11:30pm after... umm... after "visiting" someone nearby.

"mister, look at your girl, she loves it, i can see it in her eyes... hey... her curves, she's sexy... move, she wants to move, but you're hogging her, you're guarding her."

i'm surprised i didn't crash the car - dancing and driving, not such a good idea.

but yeah, i hear it now, and i still have to dance.
i'm told that Ember and i dancing to this song raises eyebrows... and i'm sure other things too :P

yeah i know, i'm way sexy. even with bad hair.

9:19 pm | Post A Comment... >

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
heehee someone got to this blog by searching for 'lush boobs'.
why thankyou, but who have you been speaking to??

5:17 pm | Post A Comment... >

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
i got my hair cut yesterday. it sucks. stupid girl who refused to listen to what i want, and disguised her stupid idea with straighteners and product. blech. now i have to wait a week before it can be fixed.
good thing its cold.
definately beanie weather i think..... ahem.

3:28 pm | Post A Comment... >

Let's call today: 'Tuesday, 21 June 2005'

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
anyone want to buy my still-new less-than-12months-old 68cm TV with remote for $250?

6:59 pm | Post A Comment... >

Let's call today: 'Monday, 20 June 2005'

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:

i went to work - raced to the pub to meet a social commitment (have a drink with ember and jane - raced home - had the fastest shower in history - got dressed (thankfully i remembered that part) - jumped into kirsty's car - and went to see a Live Stand Up Comedy show at the Rhino Room.

it was cool. the first guy sucked - it gave me hope that kirsty and i have a chance at stardom. if this loser can get a one-hour solo gig with his lack of talent, imagine what the hell we can do.

anyway, after the show kirsty dropped me home, where i picked up my car and drove to aldinga to say farewell to Mazzie at his party before he departs for sydney. then went back to katies and crashed.


after sleeping naked - yes thats right i was nude in the room right beside Katies and she did nothing about it - i was woken by heavy heavy rain and i opened the window right beside the bed and watched it. i like winter, the rain and the storms, just as long as i'm not out in it.

we went to marion for a while - finding a parking space was pure heaven (FEH!) - and did a bit of shopping. huzzah for my new jeans!

went to work - went to Nessa's - saw Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy with her (Alan Rickman is god) - came home - found a Dread Pirate Roberts shirt parcelled up on my bed ( thanks allan) - and crashed.


picked a heap of things in the mud - hurt my back - washed stock - got moody - came home - check email - bath - bed. in a nutshell that's pretty much all for that day.


outfit of new clothes - pay tv - some web-work done - piratey costume shirt arrived - more pay tv - made some CD's - short visit to Bec's - more pay tv - blogging.

ahh - nice to have a chilled out day finally. ok, blood pressure dropping back down to normal.

that said - i'd love to live alone.

8:12 pm | Post A Comment... >

Let's call today: 'Sunday, 19 June 2005'

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
everyone can just fuck off

my psychologist & my chiropractor (and no doubt my blood-pressure too) all tell me that i need less stress. i need to relax.
hear that??
everyone on my death list or even at least just my 'go get fucked' list can just dissolve into the earth for the moment, cos i want to forget about each and every one of them.
screw this, im going to soak in the bath and try to drown this feeling.

10:01 pm | Post A Comment... >

Let's call today: 'Saturday, 18 June 2005'

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
i would like to thank vanessa
for being wonderful
and for holding me and for sharing a laugh with me.
paul has been away for a few days, so we kept each other company today.
full couple of days.
i'll tell you all about it later.
first time home in about 27hours.
i'm tired. i'm drained.
i dont want to think anymore.
i'm going to bed.

11:10 pm | Post A Comment... >

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
dear anonymous person who bought the dread pirate roberts tshirt for me
thankyou very much. that was very nice of you.
your promised reward of sexual favours shall be donated to charity.
thankyou once again.

ps. arrr...

9:35 pm | Post A Comment... >

Let's call today: 'Tuesday, 14 June 2005'

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
it would be just fine if i never heard from or about you ever again.
stop this shit.
you freak the hell out of me.
stay the fuck away from me.

3:47 pm | Post A Comment... >

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
it's raining.*

good thing i've nothing to do really today.

stayin in feeling cold, listening to Ben Folds (of course), chattin to Boo and to a nice guy i met at Shell's bash saturday.

Ember distrubed my sleep-in by calling me - to use me for procrastination from studying. mehe.

huzzah i have friends! real ones too - not just in my head or the type i pay.
that reminds me guys, your cheques are in the mail today. sorry they're late this month, public holiday yesterday and all.

*yes i'm aware that it mayn't be raining when you click the radar loop link. but it is now - so ner.

2:24 pm | Post A Comment... >

Let's call today: 'Monday, 13 June 2005'

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:

i just don't understand people sometimes.

7:54 pm | Post A Comment... >

Let's call today: 'Sunday, 12 June 2005'

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
dear yahoo pool players who join my table

i am not online for the sole purpose of playing pool with you.

if you want a quick game then join a timed table.
mine is clearly marked as 'rated game. no timer'.

if you say anything along the lines of 'hurry up' 'play faster' or 'come on!' i shall boot your asses from the table.
that goes for 'asl' also.

i have 6 windows open. i shall take my shot when i frikkin well like it.

lots of love,

8:08 pm | Post A Comment... >

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
ok i admit it...

so i have a thing for muso's.
so shoot me.

ever since i was 16 i fantasized about singing a duet with Ben Folds.
most 16 year olds fantasize about doing other things to their Idols.
i just wanted to sing with him.

ok, i still do.

and then there's Lior...

mmm singing with Lior on guitar and Ben on the keys.


and Sarah Blasko can do the harmonies with me.

oh yeah - whos coming to see Sarah Blasko with me?

7:11 pm | Post A Comment... >

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:

well if carly stepped out into her backyard late lastnight and listened for sounds of merriment and dualing guitars launched full throttle into folk music, she'd have heard the lil backyard bash i was at a block or so away from her.

the first girl i met at that stupid farm that has enslaved me since that Friday 13th in Feb 2004, was Shell. she's a happy bouncy lil ragamuffin who didnt spend nearly enough time at the farm once i started for my liking. her energy is amazing. its impossible to be unhappy around her.

every now and then she'd walk past carly and i on her way to or from class when we'd sit in the TAFE courtyard on carls' lunchbreak - and she'd always be beaming.

i love Shell.

so anyway, lastnight Ember introduced me to the 6 or so others there - they were all so cool, and tho i was the baby of the evening (as usual) they all agreed that i was cool too (of course).

out came guitars, a mandolin, a 'shussher' as katie calls it (percussion ball thing full of seeds etc - goes 'shussher-shussher-shussher' when u shake it), a cool folk drum which i've forgotten the name of, and a bongo drum.

we all rocked.

there was a brazier in the middle of all of us - i was part of the alcohol & firewood run - and now i smell of smoke. when the firewood ran out, Koby (sorry if that's spelt different) and i partook in sawing up an old table and bench set. mehehe i got to hold the torch and carry the wood back. it was hilarious. he was too drunk to even be doing it, but it all worked out without any major traumas.

we had one wounded - my right shoe, one of my NEW shoes, now has 2 melted spots from the renegade embers that spilled out in the wind at various times during the evening.

oh well, they look loved and have character now - i just woulda liked them to be over a week old before they got any such character. feh. "not happy jan!"

Ember is so funny drunk - i thought she loved me before - damn. it reminded me of April in the Little Shop castparty:
"i love you vicki, you're great" *wander off* - *wander back* - *hug* "vicki you're so great, i love you." etc etc

this sort of thing is bad for my ego.

mehe i love it!

1:58 pm | Post A Comment... >

Let's call today: 'Saturday, 11 June 2005'

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
i have a confession to make:
i'm a closet Aqua fan.

7:38 pm | Post A Comment... >

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
i finally got around to narrowing my 270+ emails in my inbox down to 75 or something.
having to go thru them, re-reading them, deciding if i want them or not.

after reading some of them, late 2003 mostly...
hmm yeah.

those were weird days - nice, but really exhausting emotionally.
i wonder why i never brushed things aside like i usually did and still do.

hehe maybe i was in love?

7:24 pm | Post A Comment... >

Let's call today: 'Friday, 10 June 2005'

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
i'm having a real empowered interlude.
fuck the world - vicki's back.

Selfless, Cold & Composed
Ben Folds

I said what you wanted to hear
And what I wanted to say
So I will take it back
And all the dishes intact
Let them be broken. Broken.

It's easy to be
Easy and Free
When it doesn't mean anything
You remain selfless, cold and composed

You've done me no favor
to call and be nice
Telling me I
Can take anything I like.
You don't owe me to be so polite.
You've done no wrong.
You've done no wrong,
Get out of my sight.

It's easy to be
easy and free
When it doesn't mean anything
to remain Selfless, cold, and composed
Come on baby now throw me
a right to the chin
Don't you just stare like
You never cared
I know you did
But you just smile
like a bank teller
blankly telling me
have a nice life

Come on baby now throw me
a right to the chin
Just one sign that will show me
that you give a shit.
But you just smile
and i grow weaker and

I said what you wanted to hear
And what I wanted to say
So I will take it back.

It's easy to be
Easy and Free
When it doesn't mean anything,
When it doesn't mean anything.

You can take anything.
You can take anything.

Cos you're selfless, cold,
so selfless, cold,
so selfless, cold,
and composed.

i feel like the girl he's singing about.
its great.

11:17 pm | Post A Comment... >

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
~take two~
ha! i cant believe i found this!

clip of katie and i dancing to 'Black Betty' in Maz's room sometime last year.

for some reason it wont work thru this site - so go here and click on 'goblackbetty.avi'

9:31 pm | Post A Comment... >

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
i went into work this morning to lend a hand.
the Friday team havent seen me for aaaaaages.
they asked if anything exciting has been happening in my life lately.
Ember and i looked at each other for a moment, then cracked up.
'hahaha, well....'

8:25 pm | Post A Comment... >

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
'i really do blog a lot of wank, don't i?'

7:56 pm | Post A Comment... >

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
my parents are back

when they departed for Melbourne early Sunday morning, mum left a series of detailed notes stuck on the cupboard door.

on them were scribbled in her own unique handwriting (for which i was constantly accused of 'sick-note forgery' in school) rather stupidly obvious details - such as when the bin needs to be taken out, to feed the pets, and that the house should be clean when they get home.


even my television bore a note that read 'this week - clean your room completely!' with a 'please' squashed in at the top as a polite afterthought.

now let me just share something with you:
i hate this.

a note is always handy to have, but mum always takes it to overkill.

so kirsty and i devised a plan to get her back at her own game.
kirsty brought me home some sticky notes and we set to scheming that her, april and i would run rampant in the house with them wednesday night, labelling everything we could find: door, light, chair, floor, ceiling, clock etc

instead, wednesday night as you know turned into a choc-fest with cool music.

so at about midnight last nite, i set to work solo.

first attacking the objects of my scorn:

then one side of the kitchen:

then the other:

then one on mums bedroom door saying simply 'gotcha back xx'.

then at about 7am i locked up the house, left Christian still snoozing in bed before school, and drove out to avoid the madness when the parentals come home - just in case they were grumpy from their 10hour or so train trip from Melbourne.

when i got home at noon however, mum was catching a nap - an activity i was planning on partaking soon myself, having still not slept from the night before - and dad greeted me light-heartedly telling me that 'i got her!'

i giggled and collapsed into my bed snuggling with my plush lion 'Kit'.
maybe i'll just catch a quick nap.

i emerged at 5pm.

strange day. true story.

7:25 pm | Post A Comment... >

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
huzZAH! pt 2

i finally got round to buying my shoes - at $25 instead of $30.

7:14 pm | Post A Comment... >

Let's call today: 'Thursday, 9 June 2005'

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
damn you Ember, now i smell of dope.

10:57 pm | Post A Comment... >

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
i just got one of those inspirational emails from my cousin.
usually i skim thru and delete them, stating that 'i know all this already!!' but tonite i decided to do as it said and read it, and then think for a moment about each point.

in it were these:

"No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry."
that's a nice notion - but i dont really believe it. sometimes i think we make ourselves cry, and blame the other person. i know i have.

"Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have."
that's something i need to remember.

"There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around."

but of course, my constant tagline:
"Everything happens for a reason."

It really really does.

6:38 pm | Post A Comment... >

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
so i was bored

meet gary.

i dunno.
it was all kirsty's artistic inspiration with her comic.

6:26 pm | Post A Comment... >

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:

i feel really really yucky.
i was about to drive down to the depot with a carload of recycling but thankfully Boo logged on and now i have an excuse for not going.
now i'll take them tomorrow morning when i go to work - er "uni" - yeah thats what i meant... uni.
we can safely say that vicki has failed all her subjects this semester.
doesnt that just give you a warm fuzzy feeling inside? oh wait now, it's just me about to throw up again.

why do i feel hungover? i didn't drink lastnite. all i did was hang out with kirsty and april and we played Scatman (i've tried to find the artist's name but my google search has lead me places that i wish not to share - i think it's "Scatman John" - aha it's here ) over and over and i made a film clip out of it by flashing stills on the screen that had nothing to do with the song. and they drank red cordial and we ate lots of chocolate and doritio's - well i did anyway.

hmm, perhaps its the junk in my system.

3:29 pm | Post A Comment... >

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
self portrait

sexy and brooding?

or just hungover and sick?

1:18 pm | Post A Comment... >

Let's call today: 'Wednesday, 8 June 2005'

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
*frustrated scream*

okay, and what the fuck was that going to acheive, do you think?

cryptic i know, but if nothing else at least kirsty knows what i'm talking about.

7:00 pm | Post A Comment... >

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
stupid computers!!

im sorry mary, i was writing you a big long reply to your email, but my stupid fucking #@$%$@%&##^&%^#%@#$#ing computer decided that NOW was a good time to restart - you know about 20mins after i asked it to.

i'll re-write it again when i finish yelling at overrated technology.

6:33 pm | Post A Comment... >

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
think i've blogged this before...

ever have one of those orgasms that resulted in a temporary loss of hearing?
those are good.
the world should be full of them.

12:04 am | Post A Comment... >

Let's call today: 'Tuesday, 7 June 2005'

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
after 33 games of Yahoo! Pool, and various blogging exercises, it's time for bed.
what do you think about the permalinks? which would you rather, the date at the top as words or as digits with the time next to the comments?
i like the words so i'm going with that.
let me know what you, the masses of adoring fans, want to see.

3:28 am | Post A Comment... >

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
i am so cool.

just so you know.

2:24 am | Post A Comment... >

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:

talking to Maz just now he reminded me of the post i did a few days back about the shoes i wanted and having to wait til i got paid.
well, it made me realise 'hey it's gone midnight, my pay will be in my account'.
usually i wouldnt care, i'd find out when i go get money from the ATM tomorrow but now i have to do this whole routine with Centrelink every 2 weeks and tell them how much i've been paid etc.

so i log into my bank account, working out in my head the miniscule hours i've done at that stupid farm, and i come up with something around the $80 mark.

the screen loads - i go into "Statement" and see Payroll Credit and there it is:



it's definately new shoes day tomorrow.

I just hope i dont do that nextday thing where i've been sensible and gone home rather than buying something straight out - then when i get to it again i dont like it. but if that happens - then yay me and wahahey i save $30 to waste on something else.

*big cheesy grin*

i know 'go to bed, huh?'

2:11 am | Post A Comment... >

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:

i just used my boredom time and unused ekit credit to call Woodloch and talk to my old mate from the main kitchen Chuck. it was so wonderful to hear the accents again. and to hear how happy i made him when he heard my voice.
love ya chuck xxx.

me at woodloch 2002/3

hmm :)

12:52 am | Post A Comment... >

Let's call today: 'Monday, 6 June 2005'

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
dear anonymous commenter

i'm sure what you said under the lil 20c coin post was with the best intentions in mind.

i admit i may have overreacted slightly and my response could seem rather hostile, but...

..ok i have no 'but' to that.

i make no excuses.

get fucked.


11:54 pm | Post A Comment... >

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
party at vicki's?

the thing that makes me want to slap myself at the moment is that i mis-spelt my own name just now.

anyway. my folks are in melbourne til friday. so the house is mine! - oh, and our exchange students - but everyones too busy or whatever to hang out.
oh and i should be doing uni work etc but i've decided not to bother.
yep you heard me.

well thats not entirely true. i'll still finish my script for the one class i like. but the other two - im way behind in with no hope of redemption. so fuck them.

"fuck them... with a stick... with nails in it." - Paul

11:24 pm | Post A Comment... >

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
you know im addicted to these

1. First name: Pick one: Vicki, Victoria, Tori, Vix, are the most common ones.

2. Were you named after anyone? After 'Victory' not sure where my middle name came from. Nan's mum? i think?

3. Do you wish on stars? sometimes

4. When did you last cry? this morning a bit - damn boys.

5. Do you like your handwriting? sometimes its funky - my boss complains it has too much flair for invoices.

6. What is your favourite lunch meat? leftovers from the night before's roast - yum

7. What is your birth date? 2 nov 1983

8. What is your most embarrassing CD? 5IVE - Everybody Get Up (i turned it into a deskclock)

9. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you? no, probably not. tho sometimes i do declare loudly 'yeah, i'd fuck me.'

10. Are you a daredevil? hmm sometimes, depends who im with. does riding down the road in a shopping cart count?

11. Have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell? Only after i got permission....

12. Do looks matter? sadly yeah, i want to sound profound and say no - but sometimes they do.

13. How do you release anger? i dont often enough and thats baaaaaaaaaad.

14. Where is your second home? katie's house or the theatre

15. Do you trust others easily? no. begone.

16. What was your favourite toy as a child? hmm, my plastic keys.

17. What class in high school do you think was totally useless? all forms of math

18. Do you have a journal? yep - here and in a notebook

19. Do you use sarcasm a lot? nah never!

20. Favourite movie: Pirates of The Caribbean

21. What are your nicknames? Vixter, Vixen, Vicki Warrior Princess, Captain Vicki, Capt'n Blackbriar Avaste - to name a few

22. Would you bungee jump? hell yeah

23. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? i wear boots so i have to unite them otherwise they'll never come off!!

24. Do you think that you are strong? I've been described as a Chomp Bar - hard chocolate outside, soft chewy caramel centre.

25. What's your favourite ice cream flavour? choc mint

26. Shoe size? mens 6 ladies 7 (i think)

27. What are your favourite colours? purple! failing that, earthy colours. gettin into browns a fair bit lately.

28. What is your least favourite thing about yourself? my jealousy

29. Who do you miss most? katie cos i dont get to see her everyday anymore

30. Do you want everyone you send this to, to send it back? umm yes... even tho this is a blog

31. What colour pants are you wearing? blue jeans

32. What are you listening to right now? some stupid bloopers show on Comedy Channel

33. Last thing you ate: Mmm a Lindt Chocolate from the pack Angie gave me

34. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be? Firetruck Red!!

35. What is the weather like right now? cold cold cold

36. Last person you talked to on the phone: Bec

37. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex: eyes and voice

38. Do you like the person who sent this to you? yep - she's my big cuzz!

39. How are you today? Fine thankyou - a bit tired. stupid work yesterday

40. Favourite drink: having lots of orange juice moments lately

41. Favourite sport: icky - swimming?

42. Hair colour: medium brown apparently

43. Eye colour: hazel

44. Do you wear contacts? no

45. Favourite food: pizza and pasta

46. Last movie you watched? Carry On England

47. Favourite day of the year? International Talk Like A Pirate Day - then everyones like me.

48. Scary movies or happy endings? both - id like to see someone try and do them simultaneously

49. Summer or winter? winter, i love the rain and storms - but only if im inside.

51. What is your favourite dessert? Chocolate Self-Saucing Pudding

52. Who is most likely to respond? no one cos im posting this now.

53. Who is least likely to respond? as above, loser.

54. Living arrangements? with the parentals

55. What book's are you reading at the moment: clockwork orange (yes again)

56. What's on your mouse pad? blue checkers

57. What did you watch on TV last night? Some vampire movie

58. Favourite smells? this perfume i had in the US - it gives me flashbacks.

59. Rolling Stones or Beatles: - Beatles

60. Do you believe in Evolution or Creationism? both? god is an ape?

61. Where's the furthest you have been from home? New York.

8:33 pm | Post A Comment... >

Let's call today: 'Saturday, 4 June 2005'

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
the 4th Virtue: Patience

fact a)
there's a pair of shoes vicki wants
fact b)
these shoes cost $30
fact c)
vicki has no more than $9.20 on her
fact d)
vicki doesnt get paid until tuesday.
fact e)
vicki really shouldnt be buying shoes because
fact f)
vicki has a $230+ speeding fine
fact g)
vicki isn't girly enough to buy shoes all the time
fact h)
due to the past week-or-so's events, vicki should spoil herself
fact i)
vicki will buy shoes on tuesday.

meet the 2nd Vice: Greed

10:24 pm | Post A Comment... >

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
haha someone got to my blog by searching for 'girlsex'

7:56 pm | Post A Comment... >

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
im having a down moment.
the upside of today was kirsty and ness and i hung out and wasted the afternoon away.
the downside is all the filming we'd planned to do never got done.
am thinking too hard about uni and the direction i'm heading in.
i feel like i'm coming up to a crossroads soon and i need to think now which way i should go.
i reckon i'm going to go see the course counsellor at uni and see what my options are.
maybe i'll go to TAFE with kirsty, or maybe i'll just become a worker bee.
none of those thrill me too much - except for the 'with kirsty' part.

6:55 pm | Post A Comment... >

Let's call today: 'Friday, 3 June 2005'

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
our elected member is starting to scare me

a few weeks back he told me proudly how he dropped into the local baseball club just in time to see my brother hit a home run. then he bragged to one of the guys who coached alex there years and years before about him, who then said 'yeah, it's good to have him back.'
then the other day alex was over and he was talking civilly to him about this and that and whatever else. both he and alex were actually having a conversation.

dont tell me my father is becoming a dad??

what's next? my mum will stop screeching across the house and actually be nice to people i bring home??


10:19 pm | Post A Comment... >

Let's call today: 'Thursday, 2 June 2005'

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
it's odd.
i think im better friends with her than you right now.
at least she tells me the truth.

9:06 pm | Post A Comment... >

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
number one

singing: april wants me! april wants me!

guess what?
i'm number one on her's and angela's list of
'girls i'd want to be a lesbian with'
2 married sexy beasts of ladies want to sex me.
i really AM a hot young temptress!

it's odd, married guys wanting to fuck me, i shrug off and call them sleazes.
married ladies, well then, come over here and vicki shall convert you!
(perhaps it's cos i dont actually like each of these girls' husbands.)

or alternatively i am just a big fat lesbian.
feh i admit it.

on monday morning i came out to the kitchen up to my mother and said:
thats it! men suck! i'm becoming a lesbian.
what do you mean 'becoming'?
no, i mean a REAL lesbian! a full lesbian!!

calling all lesbians who want me - please form a line at the door and hand in your application to my secretary as your enter my office for an interview.

mehehe, ok, so its the ego-trip / esteem-booster i needed. :-P

4:46 pm | Post A Comment... >

Let's call today: 'Wednesday, 1 June 2005'

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
very clever

'stayin alive'

claymation is so cool

thanks to starterupsteve

8:16 pm | Post A Comment... >

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
dear QAF

i miss you
come back
love vicki

7:39 pm | Post A Comment... >

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:

anyone who would like to buy me this, i will give enormous hugs to and possibly sexual favours.

hey, i'd do anything for a t-shirt affiliated with both pirates AND The Princess Bride.

especially since i watched it last night :-D
for those unfamiliar with the film, you can all report to me for a prompt execution. or, alternatively, you can go out and hire it right now.

if you're a retro-sexual like myself, and you drool over flicks like Dark Crystal and Labyrinth and Willow - you really really need to see it. its one of the lesser-known classic of the era.

Mmm Cary Elwes.... and mmm Mandy Patinkin with a Spanish accent.

William Goldman is a champ too.

7:01 pm | Post A Comment... >

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
just a hot young temptress

*sigh* ok, so i'll tell you the story.
since i've realised that for once im innocent, i've reached the conclusion that i dont owe anyone anything, and that this is my space - so i shall frikkin well blog about whatever i wish!

for those of you not directly in my circle of friends who mayn't know, i'd met a guy a few weeks ago. he was really sweet and kind and everything, he messaged me all the time, called me lots and lots and spoke to me for hours.

everytime i spoke to him, or the couple of times i spent with him, everything bad seemed to go away and i forgot about any other crap that came back to haunt me. he quickly became my Knight.

but something was never really fitting. he'd tell me not to fall in love with him, but then 3 seconds later he'd do some thing or other to show that he was falling for me too. any of my friend that i tried to descibe this to said that it sounded like he didnt know what he wanted. i didnt really either, so that seemed okay with me. i figured we could work around that.

but i couldnt understand why it felt like he was pulling me closer with one hand and pushing me away with the other.

i brushed it off - blaming my own indecisions and uncertainties. everytime i said we should stop because i was feeling unsure, he convinced me not to. it wasnt hard. i really didnt want to stop. but it was his idea of not having an actual relationship, just 'enjoying what we have' that didnt sit right. those that know me understand how i cant do things halfway. as i said in a previous post - im an 'all or nothing' girl.

the first time he said we couldnt be much more than...whatever we were... and i said why, he didnt really have an answer for me... i know now that in fact he did.

he came to see Equus friday night. after the play, and after enduring some pay-outs from my friends, mehehehe, we left and drove down to the beach.

we had sex. there's no other way to put it, i just tried typing some sort of alluding sentence, but they all sucked. so 'we had sex' will do.

at the time, it felt like more than that. i had put off sleeping with him because i knew that once i did, i would start to fall for him, and he had told me not to. the night itself was really nice. he held me after and we laid together for ages kissing and talking before separating.

then we spent some time out on a reserve on the esplanade on Witton Bluff watching the waves lit by the moon and by the lights of Christies. we held each other, doing those pathetic nose touches that couples do - im surprised that no one driving past us hurled abuse or... pointy objects of some sort.

when we finally got around to driving back to my place, he walked me to the doorstep, we kissed again, and began playing outside my house in the dark. i eventually stopped it and told him he needed to get home, and i needed to go inside. he agreed and left and thats the last time i saw him. friday night.

sunday night, during one of our many phonecalls, we spoke about all sorts of things, confiding in each other. i told him something hardly anyone else knew, and he told me a few secrets of his own. he had also mentioned that he had something to tell me. i could tell by his voice it wasnt good.

having told me already that he'd been known to sleep around a bit, i thought he had met someone else, or had slept with someone else. he said he wanted to tell me wednesday (today) which is when we were going to see each other again. i said ok, but i was still concerned.

we launched into this whole deep conversation. he said that i did things to him, i told him he did things to me too. i told him how much i trusted him and that he's one of the few guys i've been with that i havent been scared of or freaked out with.
i could hear this was eating at him.

he said he's falling in love with me and he cant.
i asked why.
he replied, "because im married."

at 3am, a few moments after that conversation ended, i crept into the lounge room and called carly. i dont know why, i just needed her.

that's about all i can be fucked writing for tonite about it. even that was exhausting.

yknow i just told a mate i chat with about whats happenin with me lately - he always wanted us to get together (frankly he's too much of a geek for me to even consider it, sorry kirsty, but there's people out there sadder than you) and then he told me that he's 'technically married' - she's some nut or something, they never got a divorce, but they not been together for something like 2 years. regardless, its still on paper.

mum said to me the other day "what is it with you and married people? and with kids??"*

i have decided that i must be just a hot young temptress.

i have also decided that i need some nice rebound sex.
so ok, who wants me? i know there's heaps of you out there, even if you dont all leave comments. *sniff*

let me get out my little black book.

*yes, i know carly wasnt 'married', but my mum always called her that - thats cos shes a stupid stupid woman. my mum that is, not carls :-)
thankyou prettygirl x

5:37 pm | Post A Comment... >

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:

this has got to be bullshit.

4:59 pm | Post A Comment... >

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
so i have another stalker to add to my collection.
what part of 'just stay away' dont people get?

3:54 pm | Post A Comment... >


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