Let's call today: 'Thursday, 29 November 2012'
wrote in the notebook:
It's been a bit over a year since I archived my old blog 'Grey'.
were a few reasons for this. Mainly, social networking sites kinda
stole the thunder of 'what am I thinking right now?' because checking
your newsfeed to read insipid ramblings is a lot easier than going to
someone's blog. This seemed to be the train of thought in regards to my
audience, and I can't say I'm very differently-minded myself. I only had
a small cloud of visitors to my Grey blog, and a tiny fraction of that
consisted of people who actually knew me in person. That's both a pro
and a con... relative anonymity but really no one caring enough to
bother finding out if I'd posted in a while or not.
other big reason for retiring Grey was because of how distanced I feel
from a lot of its content. The blog itself is 7 years old, and so many
versions of me ago... I don't really relate to it much these days. It's
been a long, long time since I was the 'real life girl'. I was much younger and full of headspinning doubts and delusions, I'm surprised I never drove myself insane.
over the years, mental health has been something I've had an interest
in and affiliation with, it's not something that's ever officially
cloaked me directly. People I care about have struggled (and still
struggle) with so much, it's made me person I am now... but also had
made me question my own mental health in the past. I guess what I
learned from that period in my life was that I was very impressionable.
Again, this is all documented in Grey, and not who I am right now.
Another thing I have learned is that I am a good healer. Which has two inferences:
can be hurt countless times, but though the shell may harden only
enough to be wiser next time round, I heal whether I want to or not.
also seem to be able to heal others. Perhaps not all the time, but I
have found reserves of strength and forgiveness that I never knew I had
until someone needed them.
I still feel the need to
write. To note things down. To post something without feeling guilty of
clogging up a newsfeed, without resorting to the weird and baffling
world of Tumblrs.
When someone summarised what Tumblrs
were, with the sharing and reposting of pictures and memes, my
understanding and response were thus:
"So... it's an even more useless form of blog?"
don't think I could justify taking up the limited and valuable data by
maintaining anything like that. But who knows? Perhaps blogging will
evolve yet again and see me back to regular - and worth the minutes of
life spent/wasted to read them - posts. I think that's my main beef:
absolutely anyone can be published online these days, but only a small
portion supplies us with content of any real value.
are many sources of angsty diary entries, poor amateur photography,
mindless recounts of inane daily routine, Instagrams of meals, and funny
cat pictures out there to keep the online masses satisfied... what's
the point of adding my contribution? It's a smorgasboard of
ever-increasing pollution, confusing 'staying connected/keeping in
touch' with 'Have Keyboard: Will Opinionate At You' and 'Can, therefore
(You know what's funny? In Grey's heyday, the words 'meme', 'Tumblr' or 'Instagram' weren't invented yet, or at the very least weren't the cultural phenomenon they are now. I guess that proves my point.)
I rarely even think of me posting as The Pirate Girl now. So many usernames/handles that no longer fit. Now, I'm just me.
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