Let's call today: 'Wednesday, 24 November 2004'
pirategirl 
wrote in the notebook:
walk tha plank matey
ok, let me share this with you.
imagine this:
there's a mini christmas pageant happening at the local shopping centre.
rides, face painters, petting zoo, everything fun to do and see.
children all over the place.
you and your fellow thespians are dressed up as one thing or another to promote your pantomime coming up next year (Cinderella, Jan 15, Noarlunga College Theatre, Tix $5 - be there and no one gets hurt).
you're in a pirate costume, complete with sword and accent.
it's kinda hot but you can take it as you hand out flyers to the people.
many of the kids call out "its a pirate! hello pirate!" to which you bow and flail your sword in a rather dashing charming manner that delights the onlookers.
you and another superb natural asset to street-performance, Eliza, partake in a short swash-buckling skit on the grass.
when suddenly...
a tiny child, no more than 5 or 6 years of age, with light orange hair and a bizarre squashed mushroom head with freakishly beady hazel eyes gasps and points at you - the gesture itself is a very peculiar movement, with the boy placing his wrist by his ear and thrusting the tiny forefinger in you direction.
now, dear friends, when i first noticed this, it seemed all very normal, and i addressed him in my usual fashion of being a friendly albeit rugged and rough pirate.
soon i hear "HEY!"
i spin around to face him, his little face screwed up in a slight grimace and his eyes bulging out of that ghastly shaped head, and his finger flying through the air at me.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOIN ERE??"
huh?
"WHAT DO YOU FINK YOUR DOIN??"
Why, matey, i be a pirate, see? Arr!
"YOU'RE NOT A REAL PIRATE!"
Well, sure I am matey! (adressing the crowd) This boy an' I be off to sail the seven seas on me ship (to the boy) what ya say to that matey?
"WHAT ARE YOU DOIN??"
I'm thinking, oooookay theres no winning here. let's go. And i turn to walk to the other side of the courtyard.
"OI! WHERE D'YOU FINK YOU'RE GOIN?"
What the fuck?
I told ya matey - I be off to plunder! Now away with ye!
To this, my new friend charged at me, and I figured ok he just wants to play around. so off i go in a slow canter around the courtyard. my steps are so slow and far apart you could play "chopsticks" at half-time by my footsteps, but his little feet are going full speed trying to keep behind me.
Everyone in the courtyard sees this farcical chase and I ham it up a bit "Arr he be after me loot!" and all that rubbish, and i leap onto the benches and tables and levels in the garden with my dashing pirate coat flying behind me, and many parents watch us go by with that "aw isnt that cute look on their face."
After a few laps, I concede "a fine chase" to the lad and bid him farewell. Mainly to retrieve my breath.
I was told later that he also came up with such gems as:
"Girls have boobs and boys dont unless they're fat"
and
"When you close your eyes you see through your third eye."
May I remind you this kid was like 6yrs old.
My new-found little terror however did not find the chase satisfying, and throughout the rest of the morning, he proceeded to shoot me, hit me, chase me and throw various verbal abuse at me until i reached a point that I picked him up and walked through the crowd calling "Who lost this here loot? If no one claims him, I'll throw him overboard!!" He kept trying to escape my grasp my scratching my hands and crying out "WHAT THE HELL???"
I even tried placating him and some other youngsters by actually "dying" from their joint attack and laid perfectly still for about 5 minutes with them all poking me and prodding me with sticks. Until such time I took up my sword again, got up with a "Push off ya lil larrikins!" and leapt away.
Remind me again why I work with children?
3:04 pm | Post A Comment... >
|
|
