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the pirate girl
 
Juste un peu de silence.

black, white
and the shades of grey in between

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This is just a blog for thoughts - songs that are speaking to me, pics from where I've been today, or projects on the drawing board.
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pirate folder
the pirate girl

coeval happenings
reading: Moab is my Washpot - Stephen Fry
listening to: Napalm & Silly Putty - George Carlin
travelling/staying in: SA, NSW & Vic - depending when you catch me

Let's call today: 'Tuesday, 17 May 2005'

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
 
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"i love to love and i love to be loved."
"i dont want to hurt or to be hurt again."

two of my most common sayings, which, sadly, diametrically follow one another.

i'm tired of hurting. hurting people and being hurt by them - both unintentional, but nonetheless painful to all.

i dont ever want to be just another mark on someone's tallysheet, another victory notch on someone's belt.

my self-esteem seems to be too low to take the possibility that anything nice anyone in particular has said to me was simply to get me into bed. my confidence over the years has quadrupled - except in the field of relationships.

i was always the unloveable girl. the fat, lame, awkward teenager who was too weird to even talk to. I always related to the scene in Muriel's Wedding when she's yelling to Rhonda (Rachel Griffiths).

"Muriel! Muriel Heslop. Stupid, fat and useless. I hate her! I'm never going back to being her again!" - Toni Collette, Muriel's Wedding (1994)

i never can understand anyone ever wanting to love me, when i've cared for so many and been turned away so many times. who could love me? me? vicki the loud selfish tomboy who can do nothing particularly well except be herself, which is the worse thing of all to be.

life was hell.

then, almost all of a sudden, people started taking notice of me, and not just because i was the loud joker sitting in the middle of a crowd of friends.

it's all still new to me. im not used to it.

this post sounded so much better when i was composing it in my head, whilst still dozing in bed this morning. it's ok, i know what im talking about... i think...


5:27 pm | Post A Comment... >

 
   
 
 

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blogs, projects & other links:
under construction after gremlins attacked this sidebar

mine sweeper
zombie skittles
under my umbrella
jason b standing
hyperbole and a half
geekologie
postsecret
you are not a photographer
geek with curves
boobiethon

untitled experimental dating site outlet blog
captain's log
the scribe
the NEW amount
big unit studios

20 things i learned about browsers & the web
that's not cool - anti online/textual harassment support
music, art & inspiration:
avaste music
lior
ben folds
hawksley workman
missy higgins
BLACKNAIL
wandering minstrels
annelizabeth
xavier rudd
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