Grey

i've been asking myself...

so I've been thinking lately about what I want right now.

in the partner/boyfriend/girlfriend kinda way?
it surprised me a little to discover that i'm not really looking for love. surprised because that's usually what i'm in the game for. but right now i reckon i'm just after someone to cuddle me and to kiss, (and maybe to play with sometimes too :P).
ha how very 'me'.
but it's silly how much i still roll over in bed late at night and miss someone laying beside me; miss leaning over and waking someone up with a gentle good morning kiss.
you'd think i'd be used to not having it, especially since the times i've actually done that were few and far between, and a long time ago now.
so yeah, i guess i'm not lovesick, just lonely. i'm even dreaming things now so that i wake up and say 'yeah i knew that was too good to be true' and have to laugh at myself cos as if that girl i knew since Year 2 would like girls and if she did what the hell would she be doing with a pleb like me?

in the job/education kinda way?
something where i can not be a frikkin horticultural farmer on my weekends. still i'd rather that to many other jobs i've found, hence why i'm still there, but my back and my wallet are starting to scream at me to find something else.
i want to get into this TAFE multimedia course so that i can get some sort of accreditation behind my name, so that when i apply for things i can stop saying 'uh well i dont actually have any pieces of paper to support that i know anything, but i've been at uni since the dawn of time and feel like i still just started... so... wanna hire me?'.
what i'd really like to do though is take my small enterprises of Media Flea and Laugh- Anon Entertainment thrust forward. perhaps i'll take on some sort of MYOB thingo and actually get my shit sorted and have a business venture going. now that'd be cool.

in the home/house/family kinda way?
get me the fuck out of here. that's all i can really say. hence my search for a more substantial income.
i patiently await for when i can move into a unit on my own i can forget the increasingly frequent wars of my brother against my parents, and my parents against each other.
i've told them all since i was a child to keep me out of it.
i was slandered as a fence sitter, but i still say today that i'd rather sit on the fence than crucify myself on it, or others which is worse.
enough said.
call me what you like for thinking this, the deadly sin of pride I know, but sometimes of guilty of thinking i'm the best thing this family ever produced. and it pisses me off that my parents see that as something that they've done.
"what a great kid we've raised" they think.
sorry folks, but even as a cub i just saw what was in front of me and vowed not to turn out the same... meh, i guess they could say it was their doing then :P

in the 'save the world' kinda way?
I want the war to end. i want all wars to end. i want to fight in a war against war.
i want people to stop abusing their bodies and their world and each other.
I want every sex offender to be castrated and thrown to the vultures, poachers to be let loose in the wild with no weapons or food, and victims of any form abuse of all ages to have closure and find peace.
I want more areas to embrace wind power. I want to be better disciplined when it comes to recycling and the environment and each everyday thing I do that effects my world.

yeah. i know. i want too much. thinking at 2:33am hurts.

3:12 pm | Post A Comment... >

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