main banner
the pirate girl
 
Juste un peu de silence.

black, white
and the shades of grey in between

photo's by me :)


grey

This is just a blog for thoughts - songs that are speaking to me, pics from where I've been today, or projects on the drawing board.
Just a random outlet.
An area of free association.
Comments welcome - though anon's are discouraged please.
Enjoy your stay & come again.
Please note: The content of this blog does not represent the views of any organisations to which I belong.
disclaimer

pirate folder
the pirate girl

coeval happenings
reading: Moab is my Washpot - Stephen Fry
listening to: Napalm & Silly Putty - George Carlin
travelling/staying in: SA, NSW & Vic - depending when you catch me

Let's call today: 'Wednesday, 22 November 2006'

pirategirl wrote in the notebook:
 
I killed him
some of you didn't know that part.

The sensation of my wheel actually going over his small body is weighing heavily on me still.
The pathetic and unnaturally posed form that met my eyes when I looked up to see what I had felt pass beneath the car.
The beat and the breath that still, defiantly, pulsed under my hand when I had poured out of the car to run to see if he was alright.
The eyes that stared groggily up at me later on the steel table, asking me wordlessly why I was to kill him for this, as I sobbed with my arms around the mass of blanket and fur and tears.

The Rational versus the Emotional mind.

Such fuss.
He was just a cat.

But he was my cat.

And it's not the losing him that disturbs me so much, I'd always said that when he goes it'd be my parents that take it harder than I, it's how it happened.
Not simply going to sleep and not waking, as I'd always imagined it, but on a cold metal table with a broken foreleg and half lucid from painkillers.
Everyone tells me it's not my fault, and I do truly know that. Mentally at least.

He was old and sick and didn't get out of the way, asleep under my car, I had no way of knowing he was there. His underlying problems, as the vet put it, kept him from moving when the car started and idled, like a younger healthier kitty would have done.

It wasn't my fault.
But that doesn't stop me feeling that way.

I wrote in my diary
crying like a child in true adult pain.

A child in far too much adult pain: That's how I feel about this whole mess.

And I feel stupid that it's all just for a cat.
What a seemingly and theoretically trivial thing to put me in such a dark space for the moment.


9:26 pm | Post A Comment... >

 
   
 
 

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?

blogs, projects & other links:
under construction after gremlins attacked this sidebar

mine sweeper
zombie skittles
under my umbrella
jason b standing
hyperbole and a half
geekologie
postsecret
you are not a photographer
geek with curves
boobiethon

untitled experimental dating site outlet blog
captain's log
the scribe
the NEW amount
big unit studios

20 things i learned about browsers & the web
that's not cool - anti online/textual harassment support
music, art & inspiration:
avaste music
lior
ben folds
hawksley workman
missy higgins
BLACKNAIL
wandering minstrels
annelizabeth
xavier rudd
more coming - goddam gremlins ruined my linksbar!!!! >.<

www.flickr.com
This is a Flickr badge showing public photos from a real life girl. Make your own badge here.

Free Web Counters thanks to imageshack.us
::i love to love and love to be loved::

eBay Sniper

This blog is now 7 years old!!
archives:

  • December 2002
  • January 2004
  • April 2004
  • May 2004
  • June 2004
  • July 2004
  • August 2004
  • September 2004
  • October 2004
  • November 2004
  • December 2004
  • January 2005
  • February 2005
  • March 2005
  • April 2005
  • May 2005
  • June 2005
  • July 2005
  • August 2005
  • September 2005
  • October 2005
  • November 2005
  • December 2005
  • January 2006
  • February 2006
  • March 2006
  • April 2006
  • May 2006
  • June 2006
  • July 2006
  • August 2006
  • September 2006
  • October 2006
  • November 2006
  • December 2006
  • January 2007
  • February 2007
  • March 2007
  • April 2007
  • May 2007
  • June 2007
  • July 2007
  • August 2007
  • September 2007
  • October 2007
  • November 2007
  • December 2007
  • February 2008
  • March 2008
  • April 2008
  • May 2008
  • July 2008
  • August 2008
  • September 2008
  • October 2008
  • November 2008
  • December 2008
  • January 2009
  • February 2009
  • March 2009
  • June 2009
  • August 2009
  • September 2009
  • November 2009
  • December 2009
  • January 2010
  • February 2010
  • March 2010
  • April 2010
  • May 2010
  • June 2010
  • August 2010
  • September 2010
  • October 2010
  • December 2010
  • January 2011
  • February 2011
  • March 2011
  • April 2011
  • May 2011
  • June 2011
  • July 2011
  • November 2012